


Kyle's Boomin' College

by KPesh123



Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [29]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Office, Anal Sex, Bad Writing, Beer, Best Friends, Binge Drinking, Blackmail, Bribery, Childhood Friends, College, College Football, Developing Friendships, Drinking, Drinking Games, Drugs, Education, Educational, Enemies to Friends, Epic Friendship, Excessive Drinking, Friendship, Gay Sex, Good Writing, Guns, Heavy Drinking, Higher Education, House Party, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Late Night Writing, Male Friendship, Marijuana, Minor Original Character(s), Money, Music, Musicians, Office, Office Blow Jobs, Office Sex, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Other, Party, Partying, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Drugs, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Shooting Guns, Smoking, Tequila, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Vodka, Weapons, Whiskey & Scotch, Work, Workplace, Writing, Writing Exercise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:47:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29661276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KPesh123/pseuds/KPesh123
Summary: After successfully setting up a fraternity at Kyle's college, word spread of The Boy's antics.  Although the rumors about them were mostly good, it also attracted the wrong people.  The Dean of Kyle's school approached them and was not happy.  Little did The Dean know he was in for a surprise...
Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [29]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867981





	Kyle's Boomin' College

**Author's Note:**

> Make sure to read the other works of Kyle's Boomin' Adventures!!!

Kyle’s Boomin’ College

Kyle and the boys were living it up at their fraternity house. It was a Saturday afternoon and they were having a bonfire in the backyard. Ever since the Squirrel Massacre, as it became known as amongst the group, the boys did not go back on campus. Kyle did all his classes online from the living room. Since the university and the town police were on the lookout, they maintained a low profile and only went outside the property for basic necessities. The boys spent most of their time smoking, drinking, and playing video games. Every now and then they would throw a party and invite many people over from Parkersville and Monmouth County. Although they were technically a fraternity for Kyle’s school, no one was allowed to enter since everyone there was a geed. While the boys were having a bonfire in the backyard, someone rang the front doorbell. Kyle and Rich went to the door only to find that the dean of the school was on their front porch. Reluctantly, Kyle opened to the door.

“We need to talk.” The Dean said sternly. 

“Okay, come on in.” Kyle replied.

Kyle gathered the boys and sat The Dean down in their living room. The house had been in disrepair since their last party, no one was willing to clean up. The Dean looked in disgust as to how the house was being run.

“Would you like some cookies? Maybe some nice refreshing punch?” Christian offered.

“Cut the shit. I know it was you guys who killed all those squirrels and burned down my forest.” The Dean snapped.

“What proof do you have?” Mark asked.

“Well you were all sitting in the middle of the campus in broad daylight!! And everyone took pictures of you.” The Dean responded.

“That is true. Those kids have been rage posting about us nonstop since the incident.” Jay commented. 

“I know it’s so fucking funny.” Colin added. 

“Nevertheless!!! You’re fucked. You boys are all banned from campus and I’m going to contact the authorities.” The Dean yelled.

“I don’t think so Mr. Dean.” Kyle responded.

“Oh yeah? Why’s that hot shot?” The Dean asked sarcastically. 

“Look on the wall.” Kyle said pointing to his right.

Above the fireplace where the old painting used to be, a printed picture from a security camera in the library showed the Dean having anal sex with an underage freshman girl on one of the coffee tables. The Dean’s face turned pale, he almost felt sick to his stomach. The Dean attempted to speak but couldn’t get any words out due to his state of shock. 

“You see Mr. Dean, I hacked into the security files of your institution and uncovered hours of footage of you doing questionable acts for underage freshman girls.” Jon explained.

“So here’s how it’s gonna go.” Mark said. “You drop the investigation and say it was the Boof Brigade who did it.” 

“Also you give us the school.” Kyle added.

“Yes sir.” The Dean mumbled. 

“Nice doing business with you, now get the fuck out of my house.” Kyle said.

At the boys command, The Dean stepped down from his position and gave the school into the hands of the boys. In one year, Kyle had gone from sitting alone in his freshman dorm by himself watching youtube videos while binge drinking into owning a university. Kyle and the boys set up their offices in Geed Hall, Daniel Geed’s former residence. It was there where they crafted a plan on how to fix such a broken educational institution.

First on the boys task list was to expel every student at the college. Having millions of dollars stolen from the Biden/Harris campaign fund, the boys hired Johnny Cochran’s dead body to fend off the sea of lawsuits. By some miracle Cochran’s dead corpse somehow managed to beat the Geed students. Cochran’s corpse was even able to get every Geed student to pay the boys back in reparations for wasting their time. Every student was banned from campus for life and had a two mile restraining order put against them by the boys. Next on the list, the boys had to change the name of their school. The boys needed to turn the college into a party school and a name like “Geed University” screamed the exact opposite. The boys decided on changing the school name to Send University, in honor of Nelk and their loyal fan base. From there, the boys had to start recruiting students who were actually normal and weren’t weird liberal arts students. By doing that, the boys needed to get their school out of the pit that was NCAA Division Three college sports and into NCAA Division One. Kyle made it his sole mission to get rid of the art department, which meant no more acapella shows. Kyle also made it his mission to dismantle the Geed Democratic Socialists Club, which besides it’s ideology, ran almost similarly to the Hitler Youth. The boys dropped the fencing team and used that money to invest in college football and basketball. They hired ex-NBA and NFL players. With nothing else to do in his life, Johnny Manzel took the job of head coach almost immediately. From there the boys bribed the NCAA into allowing Send University to join the Big Ten conference. They were also able to buy the old Izod Center in order to house their indoor athletics. Since it was abandoned for around five years, the boys bought the arena for dirt cheap. The boys then bribed the owners of Metlife Stadium into having their college football games there. 

“Why would we want your rinky dink operation playing at our prestigious stadium?” The owner of Metlife Stadium asked.

“Because your venue will have a team playing that doesn’t suck.” Kyle responded.

“You have a good point, welcome to Metlife.” The owner said.

With the art department gone, the boys used the money sunk in it to book big time acts into performing orientation weekend. Back in the 1960’s major acts such as Bob Dylan and The Who performed on campus. Come the twenty-first century, the only people who showed up to campus were liberal headcases such as Joe Biden and Samantha Bee. The boys booked a festival for orientation weekend that had big acts performing. Post Malone, Travis Scott, The Dirty Heads, Slightly Stoopid, Ballyhoo, and Lil Pump were set to perform. Along with a weekly concert schedule filled with top list bands of every genre were set to perform. The only bands not allowed on campus were weird emo, left wing political punk, unknown ambient new wave indie bands, and Rage Against the Machine. Besides that list any musical act was welcome to perform. Along with the concerts was a comedy lineup filled with the world's funniest comedians. The only ones not allowed on campus where the deranged liberal ones from the late night shows. Kyle took it upon himself to drop the Political Science department along with any major that wasn’t Business related. The boys then added majors in weed farming and alcohol crafting. The on campus pub was turned into the ultimate sports bar filled with flat screen tv’s, beer signs, a live stage, and half naked waitresses. Seeing a lack of night life in the college town in general, the boys bought the recently closed bookstore and opened a college bar there as well. The boys hired gourmet chefs to come in and cook high end meals in an effort to replace the prison slop the school originally served. With all these changes, the boys worked harder than they ever had in their lives. With personal assistants at their disposal, with one click of a button, they could have anything they want. The boys assembled in Malcolm’s office to discuss the finances of the upcoming Orientation Weekend. 

“No Jay, we told you, we can’t afford to hire Sommer Ray as a stripper to entertain the incoming students. We already sunk a great deal of money into the beer pong set up in the student center.” Kyle stated.

“But…” Jay stuttered trying to get his way.

“No Jay!” Mark snapped. 

“Now how much would the arcade and live stage cost for the student center?” Nick asked.

“Almost half a million.” Rich said.

“Damn bro, thank god for Joe Biden’s campaign fund.” Tom commented.

“Just add it to the tab.” Gianni said. 

“All this work is really hurting my head.” Malcolm complained. 

“Yeah because this is more stressful than your usual day of sitting on your ass masterbating right?” Kyle asked.

“Yep.” Malcolm responded. “I think I need to get high.” 

Malcolm pressed his button and The Personal Assistant ran in. The Personal Assistant was a young male intern trying to make a name for himself in the ranks of the crew. Throughout the existence of the boys, there have always been stragglers who had desperately tried to be a part of the group. They would go through great lengths and do almost anything for any of the boys. It was to the point that they looked pathetic. The personal assistants were yet only people trying to get into the group in order to get rich off their power. 

“Yes sir?” The Personal Assistant asked. 

“Give me weed in a bowl.” Malcolm ordered.

“Right away sir.” The Personal Assistant responded. 

The Personal Assistant ran out of the office in search of weed and a bowl to smoke out of. The boys continued their meeting redesigning the student center into the ultimate man cave. The Personal Assistant returned a minute later with a bowl filled with weed.

“Here you go sir.” The Personal Assistant nervously said handing the bowl to Malcolm.

“What the fuck is this?!” Malcolm asked in anger.

“It’s the weed in a bowl you asked for.” The Personal Assistant responded.

“One bowl hit?! One mother fucking bowl hit?!!” Malcolm screamed.

“Well that’s what you asked for.” The Personal Assistant responded in a scared tone.

“That’s it!!!” Malcolm yelled. “Get on your fucking knees!! I’m making you my bitch!!!” 

“Please!! No!!!” The Personal Assistant cried.

“You must learn that there are consequences for your actions god damnit!!! Now get to sucking!!” Malcolm yelled.

“Oh god damnit Malcolm.” Mark commented.

“Just come out already.” Kyle added. 

“Shut the fuck up!! Oh yea, that feels good! Suck it you queer!!” Malcolm yelled while enjoying the blowjob.

“I can’t with this anymore.” Jon said walking out.

“This is just fucked.” Colin commented.

“I don’t even know you well enough to watch this.” Christian said.

The boys walked out of the room in disgust while Malcolm forced a man to suck his dick while he secretly enjoyed it. While Malcolm had his little freak show, the boys walked outside of the building to find a massive protest taking place in front of Geed Hall, which had been changed to the Send House. The protest consisted of all the Geed kids the boys expelled along with their former professors and The Boof Brigade. It was as if Ben Shapiro or Donald Trump were speaking on campus, their rage was through the roof. Many were dressed as Antifa, there were picket signs slandering the boys, some not even knowing what was going on just had anti-Trump signs. Malcolm having finished his blowjob ran out to the commotion while pulling up his pants. Kyle grabbed a bullhorn and approached the crowd. 

“What the fuck do you worthless shitheads want?” Kyle asked. 

“We want our education back!!!” A Geed student yelled. 

“You see now that’s a problem. You people would only make our university look bad.” Kyle explained.

“Why are you being such an intolerant asshole?!” Another Geed student yelled.

“I’m not the racist homophobe here.” Kyle responded.

“Yeah we’re saving the school from you.” Nick commented.

“If you don’t take us back we will raid Geed Hall!!” A student yelled. 

“Oh so we’re not domestic terrorists anymore?” Mark asked. 

“That’s right, when we raided the Capitol you rage posted calling us domestic terrorists, now you’re literally about to do the same thing.” Kyle explained. 

“Fuck you this is different.” A Geed student yelled.

“Ight, get ready to be fucked.” Jay said.

“Huh?” A Geed student questioned.

“That means we’re gonna shoot ya!!!” Mark yelled.

The boys proceeded to pull out machine guns and open fire on the invasive mob. A full on siege of the Send Housel occurred, it was the boys last stand. The scene looked similar to the Battle of the Alamo, except for the part where Ozzy Osbourne pissed all the walls. For the longest time the boys were able to ward off the crowd, taking out dozens at a time. The crowd slowly dwindled from two hundred to fifty, who then proceeded to bum rush the boys and run through the Send House doors. Making their way in, the Geed students started to trash all the rooms and offices. The boys scattered in teams and proceeded to take many out. After an hour-long game of cat and mouse, the boys successfully got rid of all the intruders except for one who stood with a blunt object on top of Kyle's desk.

“It’s over kid, just let it go.” Kyle said calmly.

“Never!!” The student responded.

“You’re outmanned, this won’t end well unless you leave our property.” Malcolm stated.

“You’ll never take me alive!!!” The student shouted.

“Ight fuck it.” Mark said, proceeding to throw a brick at the kid’s head, knocking him down.

“Ouch!!!” The student yelled holding his head.

“That hurt didn’t it.” Mark said. 

“Yes it did.” The student responded.

“That will help you ward off rapists, for twenty bucks you can have that brick to defend yourself.” Mark explained.

“Okay.” The student responded giving Mark the money.

“Ight bet!! Now get the fuck out of here.” Mark responded.

The kid ran out of the Send House with his new brick. The boys sat back down and finished planning their Orientation Weekend. A few weeks passed and they were ready to open the doors to Send University. With a renovated campus and a star studded lineup set for Orientation Weekend, a line of cars were waiting outside the front of campus. With Nelk and the Danny Mullen Crew walking around greeting everyone, the orientation went smoothly. Bigger than Mardi Gras, the party was an absolute banger, along with the concert. Word of the weekend spread across the nation, many different news sites picked up the story and broadcasted it, allowing for more people to learn about the school. The boys had successfully turned a shitty division three liberal arts school into a popular division one party school. The semester went well, most students aced their courses and were involved with the activities the boys had laid out. With Johnny Manzel coaching the football team, they went undefeated, destroying other schools such as Alabama and LSU. While the boys were in a meeting discussing the upcoming comedy performance from Bill Burr, their receptionist called.

“Yeah?” Jon asked.

“Some guy with a lot of money wants to speak with you.” The Receptionist said.

“Okay send him in.” Jon responded.

A man with a hundred dollar Armani Suit and a gold Rolex walked into the room. With a phoney smile, the boys looked in disgust as they knew what was about to happen. 

“Hello gentlemen, let me introduce myself. My name is Carter Milton, I’m a billionaire venture capitalist who has taken an interest in what you’ve done here.” Carter said.

“Okay?” Nick responded.

“Well I am very impressed that you, being in college yourselves, were able to pull off such a successful stunt.” Carter continued.

“Yeah?” Gianni responded while eating chips.

“To be frank, I’d like to buy the university off of you. I promise I won’t change much, how does four billion dollars sound?” Carter asked.

“I’m not selling out, I’m buying in.” Kyle responded.

“Is that a yes?” Carter asked.

“You just made us very rich men, of course it’s a yes!!!” Kyle shouted.

“Alright, it’s a deal!!” Carter said.

The billionaire wrote each of the boys checks for four billion dollars. The boys walked off campus and immediately cashed in the checks. From the bank, the boys went back to Parkersville. Spending hundreds on beer and weed, the boys threw a party at Malcolm’s house in honor of their recent financial upturn. 

  
  


I hope you enjoyed My Boomin’ College, this is my dream school. 

  
  



End file.
